Ironic
Some of this I’ve
shared in previous blogs. My sister is 8 years older than me. She’s the oldest,
I’m the youngest and we have 3 brothers in between. Her 28th
birthday is this month. My 20th is in November. Only a few
days separate mine and my brother-in-law’s birthdays. He’ll be 34.
My sister left home when I was about 9 to go away to university and never returned for any long period. During the Summer she would always find a job away or travel. On Winter breaks, she would work or visit friends. So, I only saw her for Thanksgiving and our family’s annual vacation during Labor Day weekend. While my sister and I have always had a good relationship, because of our time apart I am closer to my brothers.
When it was time for me to choose a university, I decided to go away to school to attend the alma mater of my dad and oldest brother and to be close to my sister. I looked forward to being near her again for the 1st time many years.
While at university, I lived 10-15 minutes away from my sister and her husband. During my freshman and (most of) sophomore years, my sister and I saw each other about once a month or so. My mother used to call asking, have you seen your sister? No. Have you talked to her? No. What’s the benefit of living so close, if you don’t see each other? I always told her, my sister and her husband are busy living their lives and I’m busy with school. Honestly, when I first came to the area I expected to see her more but that’s not how things worked out.
Ironically, I started seeing my sister more when her husband started fucking me. Although I felt guilty being around her, I made more of an effort and she was receptive. Her husband was coming to my apartment 3 times a week to see me and I started going to see my sister at least once a week. It was weird really because at 1st I didn’t realize I was doing it. My brother-in-law says even though being with my sister made me uncomfortable, I was overcompensating for being with him. A guilty conscientious.
The crazy thing is my sister and I have developed a closer relationship, in the 5 months of her husband fucking me, than we had before. Although I am grateful for our closeness, I not thrilled about how or why its happened. In addition to feeling guilty being around her, I also feel like a detective. Trying to see if she suspects anything and always relieved when it appears she remains clueless to what going on between me and her husband. In a weird way, I think I am also seeking her permission or approval. I’m a psychologist’s dream with that one.
After being with my brother-in-law this Summer, I’ve had an attitude adjustment. I am not proud of what I am doing with my sister’s husband but it is happening and I like it. Although I care about my sister, I no longer feel the guilt I used to nor do I feel the need to overcompensate. With classes starting and living arrangements changing (more about this in a future blog) I will not be seeing my sister as frequently. Mostly we’ll go back to seeing each other once a month, maybe less. While I’ve enjoyed much of the time spent with my sister, despite the guilt, I am looking forward to more intermittent contact. (August 2018)
📷 Sibling selfie, all making silly faces.
My sister left home when I was about 9 to go away to university and never returned for any long period. During the Summer she would always find a job away or travel. On Winter breaks, she would work or visit friends. So, I only saw her for Thanksgiving and our family’s annual vacation during Labor Day weekend. While my sister and I have always had a good relationship, because of our time apart I am closer to my brothers.
When it was time for me to choose a university, I decided to go away to school to attend the alma mater of my dad and oldest brother and to be close to my sister. I looked forward to being near her again for the 1st time many years.
While at university, I lived 10-15 minutes away from my sister and her husband. During my freshman and (most of) sophomore years, my sister and I saw each other about once a month or so. My mother used to call asking, have you seen your sister? No. Have you talked to her? No. What’s the benefit of living so close, if you don’t see each other? I always told her, my sister and her husband are busy living their lives and I’m busy with school. Honestly, when I first came to the area I expected to see her more but that’s not how things worked out.
Ironically, I started seeing my sister more when her husband started fucking me. Although I felt guilty being around her, I made more of an effort and she was receptive. Her husband was coming to my apartment 3 times a week to see me and I started going to see my sister at least once a week. It was weird really because at 1st I didn’t realize I was doing it. My brother-in-law says even though being with my sister made me uncomfortable, I was overcompensating for being with him. A guilty conscientious.
The crazy thing is my sister and I have developed a closer relationship, in the 5 months of her husband fucking me, than we had before. Although I am grateful for our closeness, I not thrilled about how or why its happened. In addition to feeling guilty being around her, I also feel like a detective. Trying to see if she suspects anything and always relieved when it appears she remains clueless to what going on between me and her husband. In a weird way, I think I am also seeking her permission or approval. I’m a psychologist’s dream with that one.
After being with my brother-in-law this Summer, I’ve had an attitude adjustment. I am not proud of what I am doing with my sister’s husband but it is happening and I like it. Although I care about my sister, I no longer feel the guilt I used to nor do I feel the need to overcompensate. With classes starting and living arrangements changing (more about this in a future blog) I will not be seeing my sister as frequently. Mostly we’ll go back to seeing each other once a month, maybe less. While I’ve enjoyed much of the time spent with my sister, despite the guilt, I am looking forward to more intermittent contact. (August 2018)
Comments
Post a Comment